It's Spring and I'm Conflicted

Spring changed forever when my daughter stepped out of my life forever. I am happy for all the "spring things" that make everyone happy. I am grateful for the longer days and the sunshine on my plants. I look forward to more walks with my husband, and this year I am staying with my daughter in Indiana for the whole time my husband will be overseas visiting his parents. 

But yet I feel shell-shocked, like there is some dark cloud over my head, like something bad happened. Well, it did. It takes my breath away that she was born in May and died in May. I didn't find her until the morning of June 1st, so that's the official date. I still have her final text, May 31, 2017 at 9:06 pm: "Won't the real estate agent be with you?"

It wasn't unusual for her to leave a conversation dangling. I thought nothing of it until she never answered my texts the following day when I thought she was at work.

I think a lot about my mom, too. My mom saved my life, even though she had been gone 10 years. I think I might not have survived the grief if she had not told me "don't be so sad because my daughter is safe with her". She spoke that, out loud, telepathically, in my head.

I hope this year, when I spend a month with my daughter in Indiana, that it will be a time for healing, for both of us. 

In other news, the neighbor hung bird feeders in the tree. I've been scattering bird seed on the ground. We've had a good assortment of birds, which makes everyone feel better. There is a pair of House Finches nesting in the tree next to the building.

Male House Finch

Tree where they are nesting

Succulent Saucer survived the winter

So happy to have Sedum Sarmentosum again!

Moving forward.....I just ordered some Adromischus from a seller online. This will be my first Adros that are not commonly found in stores, or many never found in stores. I'm getting one Clanwilliam and 4 surprise leaves, all marianiae. Here are some Clanwilliam:

And some others. I hope I get a red one