It's November, I Better Write!

Last month my hubby took three days off, well, no, let me rephrase that. He just worked his regular days and didn't sign any overtime so we could drive down to Indiana to visit my daughter and her hubby, and to see their house, and bring them a microwave since their old one went kaput. They will have all new appliances in their new house, but that could be a couple months away. Since we had one in the garage that we don't use we decided to bring it down.

I'm happy we got to visit. With all the work on the house (my daughter and her hubby are doing all the little stuff) they haven't had time to visit. My daughter's hubby is an engineer, and he and my daughter wanted a custom house. They worked with an architect so all their designs are up to code. Some of the features are; Wisconsin stone exterior on two sides (not the thin fake stuff, real stone blocks) and nine (9) foot ceilings in the basement. The basement also has a side room under the back porch where they can store canned goods and also hide in if there is a tornado. Another feature in the basement is an escape window (in case of fire). Because of that feature they can build a livable area down there.

On the main floor there are 3 bedrooms. The kid's bedrooms are on the south side of the house. There is a bathroom in between. The living room and kitchen are open concept divided by a see-through real fireplace. Moving on toward the north side of the house, there is an office, the master bedroom and a master bathroom that will have a walk-in European style shower, a whirlpool tub. The garage is attached. There is also a combination laundry room and mud room.

The stone mason and his helper were working while we were there. We also met the general contractor.

My hubby's parents got their visitor visas. The visas are good for 3 years. We expect them to visit next spring. Our second bedroom will become the guest room for the duration of their stay.

I have begun painting on rocks. It's something my Grandpa started doing in the 1950's. I'm still working on developing my own style.

In other news, my blood sugar has been higher than in should. I see my doctor the end of this month. I also have a diabetic eye exam scheduled.

I'm still working on being happy. Some days it is more of a struggle, other days are easier. My hubby tries his best to keep me occupied on his days off. I am very proud of him. He just quit smoking. It's been very hard for him as he smoked a long time. He is also not using any gum or patch because he wants to pass his lab test. Doing so will lower his weekly premium.

Well, that's about it for now.

I'm Back...Finally!

I'm not sure I can pin down one exact reason why I didn't post for so long. I'm close to halfway through my second year without my daughter. I'm still depressed about that, but getting better. This summer was hot and humid, which kept me inside a lot more than I wanted because I can't handle heat and humidity. My hubby was working a lot, picking up all the overtime, taking only one day a week off and sometimes two. I was bored. I have new neighbors here, but they work or do not share my interests. It's one thing to say hi and share small talk, but striking up a friendship is different. I had shoulder problems in May and June and was sick in July and August. Ok, those are the negatives.

The Negatives

This spring I realized my left shoulder was not working properly. It was stiff and had lost its range of motion, and it was hurting. I saw my doctor May 1st and she sent me to physical therapy. Therapy seemed to help until they began strength training. I had 7 lymph nodes removed from my left armpit when I had cancer in 1996. My arm is compromised. Repetitive motion, especially involving weight causes immediate swelling and pain. They couldn't continue the program so it was ended. My shoulder then began to ache all the time, so when I saw my doctor again August 1st she referred me to the ortho doc. He diagnosed my shoulder as partially frozen and ordered an X-ray and an MRI. He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder. It worked, but it was a shot from hell because I couldn't sleep and my blood sugar was in the 300's for days. I told him that at my follow-up. He said there is a different medication that doesn't cause those side effects, should I ever need it.

In July I had a posterior vitreous detachment in my right eye, which turned out not to be serious but needed to be checked anyway (the retina did not tear)  I also had some episodes of dizziness coupled with a too rapid heart rate. I had a kidney infection which cleared up with antibiotics. My doctor added Lopressor to my meds to slow down my heart rate. It did, but I felt horrible on it. I also needed my asthma spray every day and then I started breaking out in a rash and uncontrollable itching. I went to Immediate Care and they said I'm allergic to Lopressor and don't take it anymore. I saw my doc a week later (she had been on vacation). She lowered the dose of blood pressure medicine that I've been on for years and I seem to be fine without any additional medications.

The Positives

Shoulder is better, eye is fine, blood pressure is good with hardly any medication at all. My hubby is taking 2 days off most weeks so we can spend more time together. He got a substantial raise. Everyone at the company he works for got raises, substantial raises. I decided to start doing some crafts, so we bought a folding table. Now to order my supplies. I hope I have something to share soon.

In other news, my daughter in Indiana and her hubby are building a home. They have been doing some of the work themselves. We are looking forward to visiting when it's done.

My hubby and I had our 7th anniversary this August. We have had many adventures and moved 3 times since he immigrated 5 years ago. He stood by me as I mourned the loss of my younger daughter. We are closer than ever.

I heard from my mom. Yes, you read that right. I HEARD FROM MY MOM, last year, in September. My mom passed away in 2007. It took me a long time to accept that message, because I didn't believe in after death communication. Even though I knew without a doubt that the communication was absolutely positively real, it took me several months to embrace it. Finally I began to study the subject, and it was then I realized the purpose and the enormity of the message. Ten years after my mom passed, she knew, SHE KNEW how grief stricken I was, how my health was failing, how my life was crumbling, from the loss of my daughter. My friends tried to comfort me, but everyone had a different opinion about death and what does or does not happen afterwards. Even religion was confusing me. I got to the point where I trusted no one's explanation.

So...10 years after my mom passed away she spoke to me, telepathically, in my head, but it was NOT like a thought, it was as loud and as clear as a phone call with the receiver INSIDE my head. I was shocked, startled. It was unexpected. It was something I did not believe in, yet there it was, a message from my mom, as I stood in the kitchen, thinking about how much I missed my daughter. My mom told me not to be so sad. She called me by my nickname that ONLY my mom and dad ever called me. She told me my daughter is safe with her. MY DAUGHTER...Safe....With Her Grandmother, my mom. Ten years, ten years after she died, my mom knew what was going on with me, and gave me the most important message I could possibly have to help me heal, the knowledge and confirmation that my daughter is safe with her.

I could not have made that up myself. And as many times as I repeat that message in my head, it is only a quiet thought, in my voice.

At last I could replace the nightmare of finding my daughter with the beautiful knowledge of her living on in spirit form, and that my mom, in spirit form, also lives on and is aware of me, and most likely was there to greet my daughter and help her cross over.

If you would like to learn more about After Death Communication, you can read more at this ADC website. The type of experience I had is explained there, read "Definition".

If you would like to learn more about Life After Death you can read the true accounts of people who have died but turned back before crossing, so in fact they lived to tell what happened. Some science tries to explain it as psychedelic activity of a dying brain. That does not explain the clinically dead who suddenly come back to tell about it. These experiences have happened to people of all religions, or no religion. Links follow:

An interview with Dr. Jeffrey Long

Near Death Experience Research Foundation

And of course you can search YouTube.

Lastly, I am happy that one of my friends has found love!

Happy New Year!

We had company last night, and lots of laughter. That was good. It's sunny today, and cold as snot.

I was thinking over the last 5 years:

2013 - my hubby immigrated to America from Europe. It was a year of discovery for him.
2014 - we sold my house and moved to California
2015 - we explored the far northern coast of California
2016 - we moved to Wisconsin, I had surgery on my neck, my younger daughter moved here.
2017 - the year my younger daughter got her angel wings. Hands down, this was the hardest year I ever endured in my life.

We are looking forward to moving to a new apartment the end of February. 2018 needs to be a year of healing for me.

Happy New Year to all

How Does He Do That?

Yesterday was a real bad day. I don't know if it was because of the gloomy weather or the change in medication, but I was holding my daughter's picture and sobbing.

My phone rang. It was my hubby.

"What happened? Are you alright?"

"Yes", I answered. "I'm fine. Everything is ok. I'll text you when I see your work schedule for tomorrow."

I tried to pull myself together but it wasn't working. I posted on Facebook "Today is one of those days..." I wrote in the online support group. I cried some more.

Hubby called me three times from work, worried about me. He never calls me from work, or very rarely. How does he know?

Other than the tears, the only other news was my endo doc's nurse called. The doc switched my thyroid medicine to 88, because 75 was too low and 100 is too high. I also have a pill to take at 11 pm, whenever I'm sure I can get to the lab at 8 am the next morning. It's called Dexamethasone. It is a corticosteroid, similar to a natural hormone produced by the adrenal glands. It often is used to replace this chemical when the body does not make enough of it. In my case, it will be used to diagnose why my Cortisol level is elevated.

The sun is shining and I'm not crying. I'm feeling better. Hubby is off tomorrow and Monday. We always look forward to time spent together. Too bad it will be colder than snot.

Several of my Facebook friends are sick. I do hope they recover and feel better so they can ring in the New Year.

Best Wishes to Everyone and Happy New Year!

Gone Too Long

I haven't felt like writing much. Must be the shorter days, the gloomy weather, the loneliness of missing my daughter, and maybe my thyroid is low again. I've been feeling chilled and tired. Or maybe it's depression. Heck, who knows.

My dear hubby has been working all the overtime he can get. That makes for a lot of 12 hour shifts. He has goals, we have goals. When he's off he takes me for coffee or shopping. Today the driver's side door handle broke off. We already had to replace the rear one last winter. I called the repair shop. Everything is on file, so it was easy for them to order another. It gets repaired on Tuesday. Until then we need to open the driver side door from the passenger side. Oh fun.

I've taken some nice pictures of the fall leaves. One afternoon as hubby and I were walking in West Bend I asked him how to say "leaf" in Albanian. Apparently there is more than one name, but "fletë" was my favorite (fletë rhymes with bet, sort of, and a little bit with plate...it's the accent).

"Fletë," I said, "Look at all the fletës!"

Immediately we both laughed. "I can't put an "s" on it in Albanian, can I?" I asked.

"No," hubby answered, amused.

"So...how to I say leaves?"

"Fletët"

One of these days I need to ask how to say the whole sentence.

Sometimes I can get him to talk in German. He is fluent. German cracks me up. It's so commanding.

Fletët

I'm in the Mood for Hearts

Those of some natural hearts that turned up in my life. Spud Heart, from a bag of potatoes, Strawberry heart, from a box of strawberries, and Stone Heart, in the desert in southern California.

I have other hearts, earrings, a necklace, more heart shaped rocks, and my best heart, the one beating inside my hubby's chest.

Today my hubby and I drove to Brookfield to do some shopping for winter clothes. Hubby bought a thick, warm jacket for $15, perfect for work, warm and not expensive. He also needed warm boots. He bought nice ones rated to -25 degrees for only $25.

On the way there we were talking. I told hubby that bird woman upstairs was coming home as I was heading down to the basement to wash clothes. In case you didn't know, this apartment building has a locked entry door. I noticed she was standing there in the frigid cold fumbling for her keys. This woman has never answered when I say hello. I opened the door to let her in. She looked surprised, frightened, and stepped back. "Come in", I said gently. "Thank you", she answered in a tiny voice. We each went our own way, but I was happy that maybe I made a difference in her life. I told my hubby I don't think she is bad, I think she is afraid of people, autistic, maybe.

The locked entry doors, frosty from cold

Hubby told me his mom had her surgery and she's fine. She had fibroids. Then we were talking about health. Hubby recalled how we were turned away from a clinic in Indiana. It was a clinic I had visited many times in the past. We were turned away for "only" having the "Bronze" level of Obamacare. He told me that made him very sad. It wasn't the first time health care in Indiana kicked me to the curb. I could write stories for pages. Hubby knows the stories, the denial care, the never care, the "go away you have no insurance" non-care.

Then we laughed about how easy California is. Before we moved I applied for coverage in California. After we moved we received a letter stating that we didn't qualify because our income was too low (hubby hadn't started working yet, we only had my social security), so they enrolled us in MediCAL, California medicaid. I was shocked! 

In the state of Indiana this was a big NO-NO! Immigrants can NOT have any kind of Medicaid services unless it is to save a life, in which case the state of Indiana will then sue for repayment.

We drove to the local office. The lady told us, "Oh, you're fine, we even cover undocumented immigrants in California.

Again we laughed about when we tried to cancel it. The lady sat there with a dumbfounded look on her face. "Why would you want to cancel it?" she asked. "Because we no longer qualify," I explained. She told me no one "gets off" MediCAL, it just expires by itself. Ok, awesome! Free health care. Wisconsin also has expanded medicaid, although hubby has insurance through work and I have Medicare.

Hubby said to me, "We've both had a hard life, I think we are really blessed now. Life is easy here." "Yes," I answered, "but you work so hard." "I like to work," hubby answered. He seemed so at peace, so at home, finally.