Just Checking In

Today is snowing and blowing. More snow coming Saturday, with a chance of freezing rain. Not fun. We are looking forward to spring. I can't say that enough.

Diabetic class #2 is tomorrow. I hope I learn something useful. Mostly I just learn that the way I need to eat is the way I can't eat. Nuts! Fish! More nuts! More fish! Snack on nuts! I love nuts but I can't freakin eat nuts. I mostly hate fish.

I ate a big salad. It helped. I also nosh on raw cauliflower. I make a dip from sour cream and onion powder, with some salt. Yeah, fattening but what to do. I chew gum. That gets my mind off snacking. However I have real issues with going to bed hungry, like not being able to sleep. Raw veggies are not the ideal snack before bed. Ugh. I test 2 times per day, once in the morning (fasting) and once at bedtime. I need to wait 2 hours after eating before testing. So if I eat at 7 pm and snack at 9 I'm good to test between 11 pm and midnight. The problem happens if I'm hungry at midnight, or I test and I'm under 120. Yeah, that should be fine for most people, but I have woken up too low (risk from Glipizide). So I have half a glass of milk and a small carb. Fasting glucose is a crap shoot. It's usually high. Exercise would help. I know that.

I'm 150 pounds right now. I would like to get under 150, maybe 145 to 148. It's difficult. Glipizide causes a 5 to 10 pound weight gain. I went up to 160 after starting that medication, and I am happy to be back down. Anyway, I'm 5'6" tall so my BMI is normal, but any and all fat I have is attached to my stomach. Weird.

I take the generic form of Prilosec. My nurse friend had a fit when she found out. She told me I will have bone loss for sure. She said my calcium supplements won't be absorbed. I don't take calcium supplements. I've also never broken a bone. I see my doc in April. I'll talk to her. Without the prilosec I can't eat anything without noshing on Tums, which make me horribly constipated. I also don't miss being rudely awakened at night breathing in stomach acid. It's horribly painful and frightening, and I need to sit up and cough for an hour or more. Without the Prilosec I can't use even a drop of oil, nor can I take vitamin D or krill oil.

In spite of all this, I am doing better. The sadness is starting to drift away as the days get longer.

My hubby has an opportunity to advance at work, in a different department. He is looking to make the switch after vacation this spring.

Well, I need to do some stuff, so I will sign off for now.

Energy One Day, Dead Battery The Next

That's how I feel. One day I'm on a roll. Happy, energetic, got a lot done. Next day I have no motivation. Too cold to open windows. No energy. Pushing myself to do anything.

Slowly I am making progress on cleaning the spare bedroom. I just need to finish the closet and organize my crafts. Oh, and finish the photo album for my daughter. It's so hard not to get depressed. Literally everyone in the photos are dead except me and my older daughter. My more recent photos are digital. If I can just get through the sad pictures I can move on to the living.

Sometimes I wish we lived closer to my daughter, but...Indiana. HUMID hot summers, smoggy air, and no branch of hubby's company there to transfer to.

I don't know if I mentioned my hubby's parents are coming for a two month visit, thus the reason I am doing so much cleaning and organizing. Before they come I need to move all my plants into the small room where I have a few plants in the east window. Not thrilled, but there is no other way.

I have no idea what to expect with this visit. My hubby's mom is fond of me but who knows how 2 months together here will pan out. Neither of hubby's parents speak English and they do things the old way. Hubby is flying there in April, staying 10 days and then he and his parents are flying here together. It will be their first time flying. Airports are huge. I'm happy he is going to help them.

At least I don't need to make pita (Albanian spinach feta pie) from scratch. We buy a good similar one frozen from a store in Milwaukee.

Other than that, if we stock up on Bulgarian cheese, tomatoes, pickled peppers and other "salads" in jars, Albanian sausage (suxhuk) (pronounced soojuk) eggs and bread then I think I've got it covered. We plan to take them out to eat and sightseeing.

Fun Times With Family

We had a wonderful weekend with my daughter and her hubby and his son and daughter. It was a late Christmas and we exchanged gifts. The following day we decided to visit Cedarburg Wisconsin. We will definitely be going back. What a quaint town! It's an old German town but unlike many other towns, this one saved everything! The downtown is full of old brick and stone buildings with massively thick walls and many with original wavy glass windows! The old mill has three floors of shops. We honestly didn't have time to visit them all. A river rushes through town. We all had a great time, including the kids. The youngest, the boy, observed that "Everyone in Wisconsin is so friendly and happy." My hubby and I have noticed that as well.

I managed to get through 95% of the photo album. My daughter loved looking at the pictures. We both agreed to leave it here so I can finish it.

I'm getting tired. It's late. I have more to write but it needs to wait.

Later.

Looking Forward to 2019

In spite of my wallowing in sadness, 2018 was a pretty good year. The company my hubby works for changed their pay rate and gave everyone substantial raises. We have been able to save quite a bit. My hubby's parents got their visitor visa. The plan is for them to visit this spring for about a month.

My hubby is going to try to quit smoking again.

I hope that in 2019 I can learn to be happier.

My daughter said they might be able to come visit next month. That will be a joyous time. Now I hope I can finish the photo album in time. I have looked through almost all the pictures and wept over the ones of my daughter that I had not seen in some time. Every time I pull up a new memory I end up mourning all over again. There are a lot of people in my past that I miss, a lot of good times with family who have mostly all passed away. If it wasn't for my first daughter and my husband I would have no one.

Well, this cloudy weather doesn't help, either. And the short days.

I better get to work on that album.

My Doc Says I Need A Pet

I saw my doc the beginning of this month. Everything is ok except my blood sugar. My A1C is 8. It should be under 7. I had a diabetic class December 6th but it wasn't all that helpful. In January I start a once per month group meeting. Hopefully we can figure out some solutions.

I had some other mysterious issues. In July I had some episodes of dizziness and low blood pressure but with a rapid heart rate. We never learned the reason why. An EKG and blood test showed nothing. Now I am wondering if there was a connection to the farm fields because the farmer sprayed something on all the fields a week before I started feeling weird. I had the windows closed during the spraying, so I just don't know. Anyway, I saw my doc August 1st. She put me on Lopressor to slow my heart down and the generic form of Mobic for my shoulder. I saw the ortho doc on the 8th. He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder. I did not sleep that night. The next night I slept some, mostly from exhaustion. My blood sugar was in the 300's. It was horrible. Then I started itching and breaking out in a rash 20 minutes after taking the Lopressor. My hubby took me to the clinic as a walk-in and I was taken off Lopressor. I saw my regular doc again on the 22nd. She didn't start any new medication (thankfully) and said to monitor my BP and take a lower dose of Lisinopril. I eventually stopped the Mobic as well.

I honestly believe a lot of my problems are from sadness. My doctor said I need a pet. We can't have pets here. I don't regret that, because honestly I do not want pet hair and pet odor in the house. I do miss the bird feeders. It was such a joy to watch and hear all the birds at the feeders. The whole area just emptied out in one day when they made everyone take them down.

I am looking forward to next year. I hope I can get past some of this sadness. Christmas was a bust. We couldn't get down to Indiana and my daughter and her family couldn't come up here. Between them working on their house, the kids being sick, her husband missing work from the flu, their job schedules and my hubby's job schedule, it was impossible. My hubby tries so hard to cheer me up. I am pretty good about hiding my broken heart from him. Sometimes it just spills out and I try to remind him that it's not possible to fix me. The short, cloudy days don't help, either.

I'm trying to complete a photo album for my daughter. I have so many pictures. All the happy times when everyone was alive. It's been really hard, but I need to complete it. I have pictures all over the spare bedroom. I need to finish so I can put everything away. We need to get the room set up as a guest room. I also want to get back to my artwork. I promised hubby I would finish with the photos first.

My hubby's job is going well. He has been training on different machines and also as an Operator. Unfortunately he was unable to continue with the quitting smoking. Maybe another time.

I guess I should post this since I started writing it the beginning of the month. If anyone reads this, I hope you have a happy New Year.

It's November, I Better Write!

Last month my hubby took three days off, well, no, let me rephrase that. He just worked his regular days and didn't sign any overtime so we could drive down to Indiana to visit my daughter and her hubby, and to see their house, and bring them a microwave since their old one went kaput. They will have all new appliances in their new house, but that could be a couple months away. Since we had one in the garage that we don't use we decided to bring it down.

I'm happy we got to visit. With all the work on the house (my daughter and her hubby are doing all the little stuff) they haven't had time to visit. My daughter's hubby is an engineer, and he and my daughter wanted a custom house. They worked with an architect so all their designs are up to code. Some of the features are; Wisconsin stone exterior on two sides (not the thin fake stuff, real stone blocks) and nine (9) foot ceilings in the basement. The basement also has a side room under the back porch where they can store canned goods and also hide in if there is a tornado. Another feature in the basement is an escape window (in case of fire). Because of that feature they can build a livable area down there.

On the main floor there are 3 bedrooms. The kid's bedrooms are on the south side of the house. There is a bathroom in between. The living room and kitchen are open concept divided by a see-through real fireplace. Moving on toward the north side of the house, there is an office, the master bedroom and a master bathroom that will have a walk-in European style shower, a whirlpool tub. The garage is attached. There is also a combination laundry room and mud room.

The stone mason and his helper were working while we were there. We also met the general contractor.

My hubby's parents got their visitor visas. The visas are good for 3 years. We expect them to visit next spring. Our second bedroom will become the guest room for the duration of their stay.

I have begun painting on rocks. It's something my Grandpa started doing in the 1950's. I'm still working on developing my own style.

In other news, my blood sugar has been higher than in should. I see my doctor the end of this month. I also have a diabetic eye exam scheduled.

I'm still working on being happy. Some days it is more of a struggle, other days are easier. My hubby tries his best to keep me occupied on his days off. I am very proud of him. He just quit smoking. It's been very hard for him as he smoked a long time. He is also not using any gum or patch because he wants to pass his lab test. Doing so will lower his weekly premium.

Well, that's about it for now.

I'm Back...Finally!

I'm not sure I can pin down one exact reason why I didn't post for so long. I'm close to halfway through my second year without my daughter. I'm still depressed about that, but getting better. This summer was hot and humid, which kept me inside a lot more than I wanted because I can't handle heat and humidity. My hubby was working a lot, picking up all the overtime, taking only one day a week off and sometimes two. I was bored. I have new neighbors here, but they work or do not share my interests. It's one thing to say hi and share small talk, but striking up a friendship is different. I had shoulder problems in May and June and was sick in July and August. Ok, those are the negatives.

The Negatives

This spring I realized my left shoulder was not working properly. It was stiff and had lost its range of motion, and it was hurting. I saw my doctor May 1st and she sent me to physical therapy. Therapy seemed to help until they began strength training. I had 7 lymph nodes removed from my left armpit when I had cancer in 1996. My arm is compromised. Repetitive motion, especially involving weight causes immediate swelling and pain. They couldn't continue the program so it was ended. My shoulder then began to ache all the time, so when I saw my doctor again August 1st she referred me to the ortho doc. He diagnosed my shoulder as partially frozen and ordered an X-ray and an MRI. He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder. It worked, but it was a shot from hell because I couldn't sleep and my blood sugar was in the 300's for days. I told him that at my follow-up. He said there is a different medication that doesn't cause those side effects, should I ever need it.

In July I had a posterior vitreous detachment in my right eye, which turned out not to be serious but needed to be checked anyway (the retina did not tear)  I also had some episodes of dizziness coupled with a too rapid heart rate. I had a kidney infection which cleared up with antibiotics. My doctor added Lopressor to my meds to slow down my heart rate. It did, but I felt horrible on it. I also needed my asthma spray every day and then I started breaking out in a rash and uncontrollable itching. I went to Immediate Care and they said I'm allergic to Lopressor and don't take it anymore. I saw my doc a week later (she had been on vacation). She lowered the dose of blood pressure medicine that I've been on for years and I seem to be fine without any additional medications.

The Positives

Shoulder is better, eye is fine, blood pressure is good with hardly any medication at all. My hubby is taking 2 days off most weeks so we can spend more time together. He got a substantial raise. Everyone at the company he works for got raises, substantial raises. I decided to start doing some crafts, so we bought a folding table. Now to order my supplies. I hope I have something to share soon.

In other news, my daughter in Indiana and her hubby are building a home. They have been doing some of the work themselves. We are looking forward to visiting when it's done.

My hubby and I had our 7th anniversary this August. We have had many adventures and moved 3 times since he immigrated 5 years ago. He stood by me as I mourned the loss of my younger daughter. We are closer than ever.

I heard from my mom. Yes, you read that right. I HEARD FROM MY MOM, last year, in September. My mom passed away in 2007. It took me a long time to accept that message, because I didn't believe in after death communication. Even though I knew without a doubt that the communication was absolutely positively real, it took me several months to embrace it. Finally I began to study the subject, and it was then I realized the purpose and the enormity of the message. Ten years after my mom passed, she knew, SHE KNEW how grief stricken I was, how my health was failing, how my life was crumbling, from the loss of my daughter. My friends tried to comfort me, but everyone had a different opinion about death and what does or does not happen afterwards. Even religion was confusing me. I got to the point where I trusted no one's explanation.

So...10 years after my mom passed away she spoke to me, telepathically, in my head, but it was NOT like a thought, it was as loud and as clear as a phone call with the receiver INSIDE my head. I was shocked, startled. It was unexpected. It was something I did not believe in, yet there it was, a message from my mom, as I stood in the kitchen, thinking about how much I missed my daughter. My mom told me not to be so sad. She called me by my nickname that ONLY my mom and dad ever called me. She told me my daughter is safe with her. MY DAUGHTER...Safe....With Her Grandmother, my mom. Ten years, ten years after she died, my mom knew what was going on with me, and gave me the most important message I could possibly have to help me heal, the knowledge and confirmation that my daughter is safe with her.

I could not have made that up myself. And as many times as I repeat that message in my head, it is only a quiet thought, in my voice.

At last I could replace the nightmare of finding my daughter with the beautiful knowledge of her living on in spirit form, and that my mom, in spirit form, also lives on and is aware of me, and most likely was there to greet my daughter and help her cross over.

If you would like to learn more about After Death Communication, you can read more at this ADC website. The type of experience I had is explained there, read "Definition".

If you would like to learn more about Life After Death you can read the true accounts of people who have died but turned back before crossing, so in fact they lived to tell what happened. Some science tries to explain it as psychedelic activity of a dying brain. That does not explain the clinically dead who suddenly come back to tell about it. These experiences have happened to people of all religions, or no religion. Links follow:

An interview with Dr. Jeffrey Long

Near Death Experience Research Foundation

And of course you can search YouTube.

Lastly, I am happy that one of my friends has found love!