I'm not sure I can pin down one exact reason why I didn't post for so long. I'm close to halfway through my second year without my daughter. I'm still depressed about that, but getting better. This summer was hot and humid, which kept me inside a lot more than I wanted because I can't handle heat and humidity. My hubby was working a lot, picking up all the overtime, taking only one day a week off and sometimes two. I was bored. I have new neighbors here, but they work or do not share my interests. It's one thing to say hi and share small talk, but striking up a friendship is different. I had shoulder problems in May and June and was sick in July and August. Ok, those are the negatives.
The Negatives
This spring I realized my left shoulder was not working properly. It was stiff and had lost its range of motion, and it was hurting. I saw my doctor May 1st and she sent me to physical therapy. Therapy seemed to help until they began strength training. I had 7 lymph nodes removed from my left armpit when I had cancer in 1996. My arm is compromised. Repetitive motion, especially involving weight causes immediate swelling and pain. They couldn't continue the program so it was ended. My shoulder then began to ache all the time, so when I saw my doctor again August 1st she referred me to the ortho doc. He diagnosed my shoulder as partially frozen and ordered an X-ray and an MRI. He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder. It worked, but it was a shot from hell because I couldn't sleep and my blood sugar was in the 300's for days. I told him that at my follow-up. He said there is a different medication that doesn't cause those side effects, should I ever need it.
In July I had a posterior vitreous detachment in my right eye, which turned out not to be serious but needed to be checked anyway (the retina did not tear) I also had some episodes of dizziness coupled with a too rapid heart rate. I had a kidney infection which cleared up with antibiotics. My doctor added Lopressor to my meds to slow down my heart rate. It did, but I felt horrible on it. I also needed my asthma spray every day and then I started breaking out in a rash and uncontrollable itching. I went to Immediate Care and they said I'm allergic to Lopressor and don't take it anymore. I saw my doc a week later (she had been on vacation). She lowered the dose of blood pressure medicine that I've been on for years and I seem to be fine without any additional medications.
The Positives
Shoulder is better, eye is fine, blood pressure is good with hardly any medication at all. My hubby is taking 2 days off most weeks so we can spend more time together. He got a substantial raise. Everyone at the company he works for got raises, substantial raises. I decided to start doing some crafts, so we bought a folding table. Now to order my supplies. I hope I have something to share soon.
In other news, my daughter in Indiana and her hubby are building a home. They have been doing some of the work themselves. We are looking forward to visiting when it's done.
My hubby and I had our 7th anniversary this August. We have had many adventures and moved 3 times since he immigrated 5 years ago. He stood by me as I mourned the loss of my younger daughter. We are closer than ever.
I heard from my mom. Yes, you read that right. I HEARD FROM MY MOM, last year, in September. My mom passed away in 2007. It took me a long time to accept that message, because I didn't believe in after death communication. Even though I knew without a doubt that the communication was absolutely positively real, it took me several months to embrace it. Finally I began to study the subject, and it was then I realized the purpose and the enormity of the message. Ten years after my mom passed, she knew, SHE KNEW how grief stricken I was, how my health was failing, how my life was crumbling, from the loss of my daughter. My friends tried to comfort me, but everyone had a different opinion about death and what does or does not happen afterwards. Even religion was confusing me. I got to the point where I trusted no one's explanation.
So...10 years after my mom passed away she spoke to me, telepathically, in my head, but it was NOT like a thought, it was as loud and as clear as a phone call with the receiver INSIDE my head. I was shocked, startled. It was unexpected. It was something I did not believe in, yet there it was, a message from my mom, as I stood in the kitchen, thinking about how much I missed my daughter. My mom told me not to be so sad. She called me by my nickname that ONLY my mom and dad ever called me. She told me my daughter is safe with her. MY DAUGHTER...Safe....With Her Grandmother, my mom. Ten years, ten years after she died, my mom knew what was going on with me, and gave me the most important message I could possibly have to help me heal, the knowledge and confirmation that my daughter is safe with her.
I could not have made that up myself. And as many times as I repeat that message in my head, it is only a quiet thought, in my voice.
At last I could replace the nightmare of finding my daughter with the beautiful knowledge of her living on in spirit form, and that my mom, in spirit form, also lives on and is aware of me, and most likely was there to greet my daughter and help her cross over.
If you would like to learn more about After Death Communication, you can read more at this ADC website. The type of experience I had is explained there, read "Definition".
If you would like to learn more about Life After Death you can read the true accounts of people who have died but turned back before crossing, so in fact they lived to tell what happened. Some science tries to explain it as psychedelic activity of a dying brain. That does not explain the clinically dead who suddenly come back to tell about it. These experiences have happened to people of all religions, or no religion. Links follow:
An interview with Dr. Jeffrey Long
Near Death Experience Research Foundation
And of course you can search YouTube.
Lastly, I am happy that one of my friends has found love!
