Looking Forward to 2019

In spite of my wallowing in sadness, 2018 was a pretty good year. The company my hubby works for changed their pay rate and gave everyone substantial raises. We have been able to save quite a bit. My hubby's parents got their visitor visa. The plan is for them to visit this spring for about a month.

My hubby is going to try to quit smoking again.

I hope that in 2019 I can learn to be happier.

My daughter said they might be able to come visit next month. That will be a joyous time. Now I hope I can finish the photo album in time. I have looked through almost all the pictures and wept over the ones of my daughter that I had not seen in some time. Every time I pull up a new memory I end up mourning all over again. There are a lot of people in my past that I miss, a lot of good times with family who have mostly all passed away. If it wasn't for my first daughter and my husband I would have no one.

Well, this cloudy weather doesn't help, either. And the short days.

I better get to work on that album.

My Doc Says I Need A Pet

I saw my doc the beginning of this month. Everything is ok except my blood sugar. My A1C is 8. It should be under 7. I had a diabetic class December 6th but it wasn't all that helpful. In January I start a once per month group meeting. Hopefully we can figure out some solutions.

I had some other mysterious issues. In July I had some episodes of dizziness and low blood pressure but with a rapid heart rate. We never learned the reason why. An EKG and blood test showed nothing. Now I am wondering if there was a connection to the farm fields because the farmer sprayed something on all the fields a week before I started feeling weird. I had the windows closed during the spraying, so I just don't know. Anyway, I saw my doc August 1st. She put me on Lopressor to slow my heart down and the generic form of Mobic for my shoulder. I saw the ortho doc on the 8th. He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder. I did not sleep that night. The next night I slept some, mostly from exhaustion. My blood sugar was in the 300's. It was horrible. Then I started itching and breaking out in a rash 20 minutes after taking the Lopressor. My hubby took me to the clinic as a walk-in and I was taken off Lopressor. I saw my regular doc again on the 22nd. She didn't start any new medication (thankfully) and said to monitor my BP and take a lower dose of Lisinopril. I eventually stopped the Mobic as well.

I honestly believe a lot of my problems are from sadness. My doctor said I need a pet. We can't have pets here. I don't regret that, because honestly I do not want pet hair and pet odor in the house. I do miss the bird feeders. It was such a joy to watch and hear all the birds at the feeders. The whole area just emptied out in one day when they made everyone take them down.

I am looking forward to next year. I hope I can get past some of this sadness. Christmas was a bust. We couldn't get down to Indiana and my daughter and her family couldn't come up here. Between them working on their house, the kids being sick, her husband missing work from the flu, their job schedules and my hubby's job schedule, it was impossible. My hubby tries so hard to cheer me up. I am pretty good about hiding my broken heart from him. Sometimes it just spills out and I try to remind him that it's not possible to fix me. The short, cloudy days don't help, either.

I'm trying to complete a photo album for my daughter. I have so many pictures. All the happy times when everyone was alive. It's been really hard, but I need to complete it. I have pictures all over the spare bedroom. I need to finish so I can put everything away. We need to get the room set up as a guest room. I also want to get back to my artwork. I promised hubby I would finish with the photos first.

My hubby's job is going well. He has been training on different machines and also as an Operator. Unfortunately he was unable to continue with the quitting smoking. Maybe another time.

I guess I should post this since I started writing it the beginning of the month. If anyone reads this, I hope you have a happy New Year.

It's November, I Better Write!

Last month my hubby took three days off, well, no, let me rephrase that. He just worked his regular days and didn't sign any overtime so we could drive down to Indiana to visit my daughter and her hubby, and to see their house, and bring them a microwave since their old one went kaput. They will have all new appliances in their new house, but that could be a couple months away. Since we had one in the garage that we don't use we decided to bring it down.

I'm happy we got to visit. With all the work on the house (my daughter and her hubby are doing all the little stuff) they haven't had time to visit. My daughter's hubby is an engineer, and he and my daughter wanted a custom house. They worked with an architect so all their designs are up to code. Some of the features are; Wisconsin stone exterior on two sides (not the thin fake stuff, real stone blocks) and nine (9) foot ceilings in the basement. The basement also has a side room under the back porch where they can store canned goods and also hide in if there is a tornado. Another feature in the basement is an escape window (in case of fire). Because of that feature they can build a livable area down there.

On the main floor there are 3 bedrooms. The kid's bedrooms are on the south side of the house. There is a bathroom in between. The living room and kitchen are open concept divided by a see-through real fireplace. Moving on toward the north side of the house, there is an office, the master bedroom and a master bathroom that will have a walk-in European style shower, a whirlpool tub. The garage is attached. There is also a combination laundry room and mud room.

The stone mason and his helper were working while we were there. We also met the general contractor.

My hubby's parents got their visitor visas. The visas are good for 3 years. We expect them to visit next spring. Our second bedroom will become the guest room for the duration of their stay.

I have begun painting on rocks. It's something my Grandpa started doing in the 1950's. I'm still working on developing my own style.

In other news, my blood sugar has been higher than in should. I see my doctor the end of this month. I also have a diabetic eye exam scheduled.

I'm still working on being happy. Some days it is more of a struggle, other days are easier. My hubby tries his best to keep me occupied on his days off. I am very proud of him. He just quit smoking. It's been very hard for him as he smoked a long time. He is also not using any gum or patch because he wants to pass his lab test. Doing so will lower his weekly premium.

Well, that's about it for now.

I'm Back...Finally!

I'm not sure I can pin down one exact reason why I didn't post for so long. I'm close to halfway through my second year without my daughter. I'm still depressed about that, but getting better. This summer was hot and humid, which kept me inside a lot more than I wanted because I can't handle heat and humidity. My hubby was working a lot, picking up all the overtime, taking only one day a week off and sometimes two. I was bored. I have new neighbors here, but they work or do not share my interests. It's one thing to say hi and share small talk, but striking up a friendship is different. I had shoulder problems in May and June and was sick in July and August. Ok, those are the negatives.

The Negatives

This spring I realized my left shoulder was not working properly. It was stiff and had lost its range of motion, and it was hurting. I saw my doctor May 1st and she sent me to physical therapy. Therapy seemed to help until they began strength training. I had 7 lymph nodes removed from my left armpit when I had cancer in 1996. My arm is compromised. Repetitive motion, especially involving weight causes immediate swelling and pain. They couldn't continue the program so it was ended. My shoulder then began to ache all the time, so when I saw my doctor again August 1st she referred me to the ortho doc. He diagnosed my shoulder as partially frozen and ordered an X-ray and an MRI. He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder. It worked, but it was a shot from hell because I couldn't sleep and my blood sugar was in the 300's for days. I told him that at my follow-up. He said there is a different medication that doesn't cause those side effects, should I ever need it.

In July I had a posterior vitreous detachment in my right eye, which turned out not to be serious but needed to be checked anyway (the retina did not tear)  I also had some episodes of dizziness coupled with a too rapid heart rate. I had a kidney infection which cleared up with antibiotics. My doctor added Lopressor to my meds to slow down my heart rate. It did, but I felt horrible on it. I also needed my asthma spray every day and then I started breaking out in a rash and uncontrollable itching. I went to Immediate Care and they said I'm allergic to Lopressor and don't take it anymore. I saw my doc a week later (she had been on vacation). She lowered the dose of blood pressure medicine that I've been on for years and I seem to be fine without any additional medications.

The Positives

Shoulder is better, eye is fine, blood pressure is good with hardly any medication at all. My hubby is taking 2 days off most weeks so we can spend more time together. He got a substantial raise. Everyone at the company he works for got raises, substantial raises. I decided to start doing some crafts, so we bought a folding table. Now to order my supplies. I hope I have something to share soon.

In other news, my daughter in Indiana and her hubby are building a home. They have been doing some of the work themselves. We are looking forward to visiting when it's done.

My hubby and I had our 7th anniversary this August. We have had many adventures and moved 3 times since he immigrated 5 years ago. He stood by me as I mourned the loss of my younger daughter. We are closer than ever.

I heard from my mom. Yes, you read that right. I HEARD FROM MY MOM, last year, in September. My mom passed away in 2007. It took me a long time to accept that message, because I didn't believe in after death communication. Even though I knew without a doubt that the communication was absolutely positively real, it took me several months to embrace it. Finally I began to study the subject, and it was then I realized the purpose and the enormity of the message. Ten years after my mom passed, she knew, SHE KNEW how grief stricken I was, how my health was failing, how my life was crumbling, from the loss of my daughter. My friends tried to comfort me, but everyone had a different opinion about death and what does or does not happen afterwards. Even religion was confusing me. I got to the point where I trusted no one's explanation.

So...10 years after my mom passed away she spoke to me, telepathically, in my head, but it was NOT like a thought, it was as loud and as clear as a phone call with the receiver INSIDE my head. I was shocked, startled. It was unexpected. It was something I did not believe in, yet there it was, a message from my mom, as I stood in the kitchen, thinking about how much I missed my daughter. My mom told me not to be so sad. She called me by my nickname that ONLY my mom and dad ever called me. She told me my daughter is safe with her. MY DAUGHTER...Safe....With Her Grandmother, my mom. Ten years, ten years after she died, my mom knew what was going on with me, and gave me the most important message I could possibly have to help me heal, the knowledge and confirmation that my daughter is safe with her.

I could not have made that up myself. And as many times as I repeat that message in my head, it is only a quiet thought, in my voice.

At last I could replace the nightmare of finding my daughter with the beautiful knowledge of her living on in spirit form, and that my mom, in spirit form, also lives on and is aware of me, and most likely was there to greet my daughter and help her cross over.

If you would like to learn more about After Death Communication, you can read more at this ADC website. The type of experience I had is explained there, read "Definition".

If you would like to learn more about Life After Death you can read the true accounts of people who have died but turned back before crossing, so in fact they lived to tell what happened. Some science tries to explain it as psychedelic activity of a dying brain. That does not explain the clinically dead who suddenly come back to tell about it. These experiences have happened to people of all religions, or no religion. Links follow:

An interview with Dr. Jeffrey Long

Near Death Experience Research Foundation

And of course you can search YouTube.

Lastly, I am happy that one of my friends has found love!

I Changed My Mind

No, not about the apartment. We love it. We are doing great, love the patio, the view. The electric and water bill were lower than expected. We bought a TV. We ordered a table for it. We pick it up tomorrow and assemble it. Then June 8th we get cable hooked up. Haven't had it in years.

So what did I change my mind about? It's a long story, and difficult to tell, but in short, it's spiritual and it involves my daughter, the one who died. I had to change because my health was spiraling downward. I needed to learn to live again for the people who love me.

Because of this change, I am now less stressed and my blood sugar is more under control.

Let me just throw some links out here for you to explore.

What 1000s of Near Death Experiences Can Tell us About Death

The Other Side

Near Death Experience Research Foundation Home Page

The New Place

We completed our move on the 6th. The morning started out sunny but with a biting cold wind. By the time we were done, snow was swirling and the weather had deteriorated into icy rain and snow. We went back to the old apartment to clean but couldn't finish, so we went back on Saturday. It was not easy but we did it.

The new apartment is spacious, and all new. I have 2 sunny windows for my plants, all new electric appliances and a great view. I'm really blessed with the view. It is helping to heal my heart from the loss of the family cottage all those years ago, and is providing a distraction from the loss of my daughter. My blood sugar has improved. I'm walking on average a mile and more just walking back and forth in the apartment, and that's when I remember to carry my phone to record my steps.

The main issue now is getting settled in. In our former apartment there was no room for my hubby to have a computer desk, so he is still using the kitchen table, which means there is nothing but a storage bin under the chandelier where the table should be. We sold our glass coffee table and end tables. We were tired of bumping into the corners. So now, until we find new tables, we have a bin in the middle of the living room floor. Honestly we didn't want to buy all new stuff because, well have you seen the prices? It's just going to take some time, and a friend with a truck. Also, since the old apartment was very small we never completely unpacked. Now I have a second bedroom but other than the closet and one shelf, no place to put stuff. It's a work in progress.

Here are some various pictures I've taken before and after we moved.

Before the appliances:

Master bedroom with bathroom and walk-in closet

Dryer in unit 

Washer and water heater in unit 

Kitchen 

Patio 

Drinking tea on the patio

We had a lot of cold and snow in April 

I love the view

Tree line between farm fields, view to the south

Goose flying by. We also have Sandhill Cranes, and we have seen wild turkeys and deer in the distance

This is actually a breakfast nook but I get to use it for my plants, and the chest freezer

I can relax and look out at this

Yesterday I was putting in screens. The maintenance man was going to do it but hubby was asleep, so I told him I would. Here is the master bedroom, with awesome view

The rocky area adjacent to the patio. They said we can set flower pots on the rocks. The grass is just beginning to grow where all the straw is

The weather is looking like it will stay warm now. Maybe we can get some flowers soon :)

Crazy Weather

Half the nation is suffering through a long, drawn out spell of winter. In fact it's snowing right now. Areas north of me could get up to 11 inches! In April. We could get around 3 inches or so. We will have a break in the weather on Friday, which is great, because that is the day we get the keys to our apartment. There is a small chance we could get the keys on Thursday, if it's cleaned by then. We hope so, because I could get my plants and a lot of smaller boxes moved over and out of the way.

This morning's weather was gloomy with a misty rain. We had a 9 am appointment to sign the lease. A pair of Sandhill Cranes were trumpeting in the field. Red-winged Blackbirds were calling. The misty weather lent a mood to the fields and distant hills. I felt like I was at the cottage. It was amazing! Anyone who knows me well enough knows how much I hate looking at the clouds through power lines, or missing sunsets for lack of windows with a view. They might know I feel boxed in and claustrophobic when surrounded by too many buildings, too much noise and too much city. They might have heard my sob story about having to sell the cottage. I feel like this place is a dream come true.

We looked over the lease and asked plenty of questions. Yes, we can put up a Shepard's hook and a bird feeder. We can place flower pots on the gravel area, meaning I can finally grow some sun-loving flowers again. It already feels like home and we haven't even moved in. We get 2 months rent-free and a $250 gift card.

The next time I write will probably be after the 6th. Catch you on the flip side!

Move-in Date

It looks like we will be moving April 6. There is a slight chance it could be sooner, but not by much. We were hoping it would be the end of March. Don't think that will happen. April 6 is 18 days away.  Thankfully the noisy people upstairs will be moving out the end of this month. Sure, I could complain, but most of the problem is construction, the walls, ceilings and floors are paper thin. The floors creak and every footstep is amplified. I guess we were lucky the bird woman was quiet, even though she hated everyone for no reason.

Not a lot going on today. It's sunny, but then it has been. I saw a Robin today. It's been so dry I don't know how they can find anything to eat. It usually starts raining in April.

I did some re-potting yesterday. The African Mask (alocasia) that belonged to my daughter isn't doing very well, nor is the prayer plant that was in her funeral arrangement. They might be a lost cause. Don't know. I gave away the NOID African Violet that came with the funeral arrangement from Walmart (where she worked), but I kept a leaf. The baby is growing well. I have no idea what color it will be.

For the most part I've stopped crying, but my heart is heavy. I have a profound sadness cast over me that no doubt will be there for quite some time yet. I hope the new place will help. I will have a patio, and can place flower pots on the gravel along the apartment, so I will be able to grow sun-loving flowers again. I haven't had Marigolds since 2014.

All these years I have kept one miniature named African Violet, Optimara Rose Quartz. I was shopping at Frank's Nursery and Crafts with my mom in the 90's when I bought it. She bought a blue one, which she kept for years. I inherited it after she passed and gave starts away to several people before we moved. They promised to share it back, but they all lost it. That made me really sad because I would have loved to have both of them. At least I still have my original plant. It's very dry in the apartment, so I've been keeping it in a ziplock bag. Yesterday I was looking in the cupboard and noticed a big pickle jar. I'm happy my violet has its own terrarium now.

Here is another plant I like. It belonged to my daughter. We were shopping together at Stein's Garden Center when she bought it. Sanseveria Mikado. It's a miniature.

My plants are full of memories. Plants with stories. Memories of people I love and miss. I still can imagine my daughter fussing over her plants, asking advise, sharing her discoveries and us going out to look for succulents, all laughter and giggles and girl stuff.

I wonder if anyone else does this...when I read a date or write a date I am suddenly transported in my mind in thoughts to that time. When I wrote about Marigolds and 2014 I suddenly thought of summer and my plants on the porch when we still lived in Indiana, and a panicky feeling because my daughter was still alive then. I'm still depressed. I know that. It takes time.

Sunny, With Teeth

My hubby told me that one, before he came to the US. It means the sun is shining but the wind is cold, so it's like the sun has teeth. That's how it's been for the last week, sunny, with teeth. We tried to walk at the Horicon Marsh. We were bundled up but not enough. Long johns might have made it doable. Horicon is northwest of Hartford.

 Just before we got to Horicon Marsh I spotted a pair of Sandhill Cranes

The marsh was frozen and the mid-morning light did not add any interest for pictures.

A beaver den next to the boardwalk

We left after a short walk and went to Harrington State Park Beach instead. With a light offshore breeze it was tolerable there, so we took a long walk. 

Intricate clouds

I couldn't stop taking pictures of this. 

Rock portraits

Waiting for spring

Nuthatch

 Chickadees

My hubby was feeding them sunflower seeds :)

It's March Already

And I'm not writing much. I've been impatient to move, a bit moody when alone all day, and really enjoying time with hubby on his days off. To top it off, my stupid left shoulder is acting wonky. I thought I was getting it loosened up, but I'm just managing to mess it up. It hurts and looses power in certain positions. It hurts a lot when I put on a coat. It clicks. And when I lie on it, it pops. I suppose I will need to mention it to my doctor.

In other news, the construction on our new apartment it now ahead of schedule. We might move by the end of this month, so I am stepping up the packing again.

The bird lady upstairs moved out the last day of the month. That meant the maintenance man and his wife had to shampoo and paint as soon as she turned in her key, so the new girl could move in the next day. They were up there painting until 1 am, trying to be quiet, so we could sleep.  The new girl moved in March first. It has been noisy most of the time. Well, the floors creak, and I think she spent the last two days unpacking, so there was a lot of clunking, stomping and creaking. Our new apartment will have extra thick, well insulated and sound-proof flooring, so, peace at last!

Hubby is off tomorrow! Just checked his schedule. Yay!

Pike Lake

My neighbor and I had another Girl's Day Out. We decided to go to Grafton. On the way there, I wanted to stop at the Pike Lake office and purchase a 2018 State Park sticker. I asked the lady, "Who posts to the Friends of Pike Lake facebook page?" Turns out she does! We chatted awhile, and she said I am her biggest follower. How cool is that!

My neighbor and I had a good time shopping in Grafton. After we came home I started dough for homemade pizza, and had her and her husband over for dinner. We all told stories, looked at pictures, ate pizza and laughed a lot.

I came home with two more plants. I honestly don't know how I keep fitting them in my overcrowded light stand.

 Haworthiopsis coarctata var. greenii

Haworthia pygmaea

My neighbor scored a miniature Gasteria.

Count Down

Tuesday.....4 days!

My hubby really needs to be home. He has done all he can. His mom is going to have a tough road to recovery. I am not going to elaborate, because I know he wouldn't want me to. Allah willing, God willing, she will recover and walk again.

We are getting warmer and sunnier days now, after 9 days of snow storms. Chicago and Indiana got hit the hardest. Milwaukee got a lot, too, being next to the Lake. Here in Hartford we had about the half the amount, and a couple sunny days in between snows.

Tomorrow my neighbor and I are having another Girl's Day Out. I am driving to Grafton and we are going to shop. Then I'm making home made pizza for her and her husband.

I also need to stop by the Pike Lake ranger's office and buy my sticker for the car. It will be good for the year, and for every State Park in Wisconsin. I was thinking to drive up to the road where I took a couple pictures last year, so I could capture the trees with the winter snow.Not sure that road will be open.

I am mesmerized by these two pictures. They must subconsciously remind me of some special time in my past Wisconsin adventures. I first set foot in Wisconsin the end of August 1969. I have loved it ever since.

The pictures were taken in November 2017, in this location (see red circle). If the road to the campground is open, I will be able to drive to the location. If not, I will just wait. I'm not planning to get stuck on any snowy roads.

In case you want to see the full map, it is located here:

Pike Lake Map (PDF)

I am off to bed.

Home Soon

My hubby will be home late on the 17th. We miss each other, a lot. He has done double duty caring for his mom, and has ensured someone will be there to help after he leaves. His mom still needs a lot of help as she still cannot put any weight on the ankle that was cracked. In 3 weeks the cast will come off and hopefully, gradually, she will begin to walk. We all know it will be painful for some time.

Speaking of pain, a week ago or so I became inspired to start exercising. It's been a long time. The way I exercise would be described as some sort of combination of repetitive movements and interpretive dance. I just make it up as I go, to music I like. My first go at it sounded like a fifth grader cracking their knuckles, only it was every joint in my body. Honestly, I've been frozen in grief for a long time. I had to get moving. My left shoulder was hurting and loosing mobility. I've got it unstuck now.

I gave up butter, again. I gave it up years ago when it caused pain. I was told I had an inflamed gall bladder. I stopped eating butter and the pain went away. For some reason I thought I could start eating butter again, with disastrous heartburn. I'm on PPI meds for 90 days.

In a previous post I mentioned I needed an estrogen cream. Not going to happen. My insurance won't pay for it. I read that coconut oil is soothing. Will give it a go.

I've been trying really hard to stay within my calorie allotment. I use MyFitnessPal on my phone to track my food. It works well. The belly must go. It's not good for my health. I'm diabetic, and bellies don't bode well for diabetics.

I think I have lost a couple pounds. I see my doc again the end of this month, and I will have an accurate measure. I'm going to talk to her about my digestion, and why I'm having a difficult time with it. Maybe I need digestive enzymes. Or she will order some tests. We will get to the bottom of this.

Yesterday I ate an avocado, the first one I've had in maybe a year or more. Since avocado usually make my mouth itch, I made guacamole out of it, and ate it with some crackers, since I didn't have chips on hand. I did that at 6 pm. I was still burping avocado at 2 am, however I finally felt like I was able to sleep by about 2:30. About a week ago I made sour kraut and onions with a hot dog. That also sat on my stomach half the night. I've been eating early but some things seem to sit.

Delayed

Yesterday I found out the construction on the new apartment is a month behind schedule. We had been assured the move in date would be March 1st or before. This was particularly unsettling because our lease is up March 1st and we didn't renew, nor did we decide to go month to month. We sent the notice back that we would terminate. The property manager, who is a real nice person, contacted the landlady and presented our predicament. Thankfully she agreed to allow us to stay until the apartment is complete. She even agreed to refund any rent we don't use. We are very thankful for that.

Today was sunny with teeth, a saying my hubby told me before he immigrated. I thought it was cute. It was about 12 degrees around 6 this morning. The wind was howling. By noon it was 7. It seemed to stay at 7 for most of the day. Then I saw 9. Now it's down to 3. At least the wind isn't blowing.

My daughter sold her house, not sure if I mentioned that. She has been sad, because she put her heart and soul into that house. She bought it nearly 20 years ago. So many memories there. Next week she takes off work for a day to sign papers. It will be bittersweet for her. Once everything is complete, she and her hubby can begin building their new house together.

I was reading through some of my first blog. I love the memories yet I dread the memories, because they involve so many losses.

I will be happy when my hubby comes home from Kosovo.

Girls Day Out

Today started out nice and sunny, and in the 40's, so my neighbor and I went shopping in West Bend. We looked for succulents in Steins, Home Depot and Meijer's. We stopped for coffee at Dunn Brothers Coffee It was my neighbor's first time ever being in a coffee bar. My neighbor had a blast and bought several plants. I didn't see a lot that I wanted but I bought one, a Haworthia.

While my dear husband toils daily taking care of his mom (God Bless him), I am bored without him and filling my time with Facebook, watching PBS and packing, oh, and drawing a little and succulent shopping. Well, hey, I'm not crying.

I saw my doctor the other day. I requested it because I was having issues. She ran some labs and prescribed some Pepsid for my excessive heartburn, magnesium for leg cramps, and estrogen cream for dryness down there, because I noticed some pink, and I was alarmed, especially since hubby is away so nothing is going on...personally....I think you get it. Just dryness.

The Pepsid has helped a lot. I was to the point that I couldn't eat anything without pain. I also bought some probiotics. I think some of my problems are from my life turning into a train wreck after loosing my daughter. I mostly cried for 6 months, but I had to make a choice. I had to choose life.

Update

My hubby's mom needed additional surgery to have pins set in her ankle. She is recovering. Hopefully she will be home soon. It has been hard on my husband and his dad. They take turns spending the night at the hospital. Sometimes there is a shortage of staff and my hubby and his dad do the jobs of nurses' aids. When mom is back home, a nurse and a therapist have been employed to visit.

I have been busy packing. Tomorrow I am showing the apartment to a potential renter. The property manager will be here as well. The property manager and his wife told me that they will be moving into this apartment for one week while they renovate the apartment they are in now, across the hall. Then they will move back into their apartment, and shampoo the carpet here so it will be ready for new tenants. The nice thing is we don't need to shampoo the carpet, because shampooing twice in a week's time would not be good. I am cleaning as I pack, so I won't have so much to do when we move out.

I am working on eating better, cutting sugar and lowering fats. I seem, as usual, to be an exception to the rule when it comes to diets. The Paleo diet makes me cringe. All that fat that is supposed to be good? Oh hell no! I get the Worst. Heartburn. Ever. It seems I have become more and more sensitive to any kind of fat or oil. I suppose I need to bring it up to my doctor, especially since it seems my digestive issues are getting worse. I'm also cutting waaay back on coffee, and trying to eat so that I don't need to take any kind of antacid.

So today I made soup. I cooked a chicken leg for a long time to make a nice broth. Then I threw out the leg. Yes I did. I hate dark meat, Yuck! I initially wanted to use a chicken breast but it had a slight strong odor. I won't eat questionable food. (I bought some deli chicken tenders at Walmart to replace the protein I was missing). I added chopped onion, celery, carrots and one small potato and simmered till done. Then I let it cool and I ran it through the blender till everything was chopped really fine. At that point I added salt to taste, some dill and a small amount of cream. It was good, and I made sure to only eat a small amount. I'm trying to loose weight. I have gained 5 pounds since going on Glipizide. I don't feel well at 160, and most of the weight is in my stomach. I use the app "MyFitnessPal" to keep track of the foods I eat.

I did have good news from my endo doc (endocrinologist, or hormone doc). The results of my latest test are normal. I see him again in December.

My mood seems to be better. Forcing myself to pack and clean has helped me break out of my depression. I made a personal resolution to learn to live again and not be so sad. My husband and my other daughter need me.

Where To Begin

Friday, January 5 my hubby got a call from his brother while he was at work. His mom had been hit by a car. She was hurt and crying. His dad, who was with her, was frantic. Details were sketchy. Hubby called me with the news, said we would talk more when he got home. He was upset and worried.

I immediately went to the bedroom closet and pulled out his suitcase. It was maybe an hour later hubby called me and asked if I could look up ticket costs.

Already on it, I told him.

Turkish Airlines was the best price. He called me from HR and made the arrangements with his work. He would fly out Monday evening and return in mid-February.

Over the weekend, after many video chats with family and seeing pictures of his mom, we learned more details. To make a long story short, two guys were drag racing. One guy hit mom and broke her ankle. X-rays determined fractures but not complete breaks. She was bleeding, so the open would was closed at the hospital.

From that point, things became more confusing. Hubby was told she needed another surgery. Hospitals are different there. Family members need to buy or bring bandages. We bought boxes of medical supplies and crammed them into hubby's suitcase. He could buy them there, but they are cheap, so he stocked up. He also brought a walker that I had in the closet. The airline accepted it, no charge.

Hubby flew out of Chicago on Monday evening and landed in Kosovo on Tuesday. He was relieved and happy to see his mom and family. Two uncles from Canada flew in. Hubby and two other family members donated blood, as his mom had been given blood. That's how it works there. (That explains why my hubby wanted to give blood after learning I got 3 pints during my neck surgery. It was explained to him that he didn't need to, insurance paid for it.)

It is now Thursday, and I am still not clear about his mom's situation. She has had scans, and the fractures are not breaks, just fractures. I don't know why she needs more surgery, but the surgery is delayed. They have a shortage of doctors. His mom has a weak heart. Hubby's father knows a lot of people, and has located a good doctor, things will get worked out.

The driver of the car who hit my mother-in-law was caught. He admitted to drag racing. There will be a court date, complete with a record of medical costs. The driver will never drive again. He is suspended for life. The court appearance will determine how much he needs to pay. Justice is swifter over there.

Hubby was planning a trip to Kosovo in May or June. He and his cousin were going to fly together, have a ton of fun and visit family. Things can change in an instant. Hubby got 2 weeks vacation and a month of personal leave. Good thing we have the money saved. That was the main reason I talked to hubby about renting instead of buying. Better to have the money in savings than use it for a down payment.

Speaking of our new apartment, we must be out of this apartment 11 days after hubby comes home. I have begun packing. It helps keep me focused. After all the sadness I went through last year, I have been struggling to get back on track. Motivation is difficult. I have been depressed. Maybe I still am.

Walmart didn't have any boxes available but the liquor store did. I took a picture. I thought it was funny.

Nope, no party, just packing

Happy New Year!

We had company last night, and lots of laughter. That was good. It's sunny today, and cold as snot.

I was thinking over the last 5 years:

2013 - my hubby immigrated to America from Europe. It was a year of discovery for him.
2014 - we sold my house and moved to California
2015 - we explored the far northern coast of California
2016 - we moved to Wisconsin, I had surgery on my neck, my younger daughter moved here.
2017 - the year my younger daughter got her angel wings. Hands down, this was the hardest year I ever endured in my life.

We are looking forward to moving to a new apartment the end of February. 2018 needs to be a year of healing for me.

Happy New Year to all