Sorting It All Out

In order to break our lease, responsibly, we need to find a new tenant to move in on our heels. We might have one, but he needs to fill out an application and be approved. We need to do the same.

Tomorrow hubby will talk to his friend. He knew his friend was wanting to move here, but it wasn't until we talked to the property manager that we found out he actually wanted to move in December.

Even with all the uncertainty, we plan to look at apartments together. Hubby was saying something about trees. I'm looking for a sunny window. Tomorrow might be an interesting day.

A few days ago hubby and I went for a walk. The weather was mild and sunny, and dry. It's been very dry. We need rain or snow. I took a couple pictures I just love. This is near the end of our 2 mile walk, near the entrance of the campground.

Well, That's a New Direction

My mind keeps wandering back to Oriole Ponds Apartments. With amenities equal to a condo, with no condo fee, and free heat, it's looking better and better. Today hubby and I talked, and weighed the difference between a condo and an apartment. I explained that to me, a condo is just like living in an apartment, but you buy it, so why buy one when we can rent? We are going to take a second look at Oriole Ponds on my hubby's next day off.

Oriole Ponds Apartments

We want 2 bedrooms, and I want a view.

In other news, we have taken some awesome hikes at Pike Lake. Pictures need to wait until tomorrow.

My Broken Life

Some days I think I have it "together", other days I cry. Mostly it just sucks to be me and I put on a happy face for people who love me. At times I would like to think that my daughter is aware of me and other times I think it's better if she just sleeps until the Resurrection, because what daughter would want to know that their death broke their mother?

Last night my hubby went to visit his friends and stop by the store. I forgot I set my phone to vibrate and then I forgot it on the end table and didn't hear him call me SEVEN TIMES. He came home frantic, and angry because he was frantically worried. He forgave me, of course, and I felt really bad for putting him through that.

I had one good day this week so far. I happily cleaned and cooked. Friday and this weekend will be good. Hubby is off Friday and my older daughter and her hubby's kids are driving up for the weekend. My hubby and her hubby both have mandatory overtime on Saturday, so my daughter's hubby is driving up after work. We are having an early Thanksgiving dinner Saturday night, and leftovers on Sunday, before they need to return home.

It has been mentioned to me about getting counselling. I can find nothing in my Medicare benefits about that, except for Hospice, or for being hospitalized. There is a psychologist in town, a man. What is a man going to know about a mother loosing a child? Only a mother who has lost a child can understand a mother who has lost a child. Hold your breath. Unless you are a mother who has lost a child, you wouldn't understand. Period. Besides, I'm pretty sure my benefits won't cover it.

In spite of it all, yesterday I got a few things done, and I plan to get off the computer and get more done today. I have the rest of today plus 2 more days to get ready for company. They will be very welcome. I laugh a lot with them, me and hubby, both.

Tomorrow is supposed to be nice. My neighbor across the hall and I hope to go for a walk.

Hubby's work is going well. Did I mention he got a raise? He's also training to be an Operator! The other day the big boss did a surprise safety check inspection, and my hubby got "caught" with a perfectly clean, safe and well-maintained work area. The boss gave him an "atta boy" and shook his had, wrote him up as GOOD. Everyone else in the room had stuff like pop cans and tools strewn around and out of place, so they all got written up as BAD. Sometimes it pays to be slightly OCD.

Ok, it's time for me to get some stuff done, and I'm feeling better.

Stuff

Before I got on facebook I used to keep in touch with my friends through email (who would have thought!!) Anyway, once in awhile I would write a "Stuff" email, just a conglomerate of whatever was going on. Stuff sounds good for today.

I'm backing up my computer, so I'm typing on a straight keyboard. My hands hurt already. I like hubby's computer. It has a big monitor. We are going to share it for awhile. I can always plug in my ergonomic keyboard.

We are having another run of gloomy weather. Last night, about 6:30, we were bored and decided to go shopping at Meijers in West Bend. Suddenly we found ourselves in fog. It was an adventure. I was keeping an eye out for deer. We made it there and back home safely.

I like shopping with my hubby. We have fun, unlike when I shop alone and I'm in tears by the time I get back into the car.

I ordered some Lithops. They haven't arrived yet. Waiting.....will share pictures when they arrive.

Hubby needs to visit his family next year. His brothers will try to meet up with him for a big family get together. He hasn't seen his older brother in 10 years and his parents and middle brother since 2014. Hubby has been working overtime and packing away the savings, both for his trip and for a down payment on something next year.

"Something next year".....not sure....condo, duplex, small single family. Houses are darn expensive up here. Example, my daughter in Indiana is trying to sell her house. She and her hubby did a total upgrade, everything is move-in perfect, and it has an acre of land. It is $50,000 cheaper than anything comparable up here.

Back to my computer...going through my pictures, making sure I have them all backed up. I am so sad now. There is no "getting over" or "letting go" of my daughter, only learning to live with the loss. It still hurts like hell.

I have been told so many different things by different people. I have had a few (very few) unusual, or if I may say so, spiritual experiences. I don't like to talk about them much. Maybe another time. One was when my dad died. I talked to a minister. He poo pooed my experience as emotional stress and basically hogwash. Some years later a different minister thought it was God's way of calling me into the Church. I have been told that my deceased loved ones sleep until the Resurrection. I have been told they live in a parallel Universe. I have been told their spirit lives in my heart. I have been told they watch over me and are aware of me grieving for them. I have had things happen that nobody ever told me would happen, but when I investigated, found out others had similar experiences. At least amidst all this conflict my husband has been the one understanding and supporting person I can rely on. Oh, and my older daughter, if it wasn't for her and my husband I might not have made it through the first month, or at least it felt like it.

I think my hands are done with this keyboard for today. My computer is backed up. We want to open it and clean it before I format and reinstall.

Gone Too Long

I haven't felt like writing much. Must be the shorter days, the gloomy weather, the loneliness of missing my daughter, and maybe my thyroid is low again. I've been feeling chilled and tired. Or maybe it's depression. Heck, who knows.

My dear hubby has been working all the overtime he can get. That makes for a lot of 12 hour shifts. He has goals, we have goals. When he's off he takes me for coffee or shopping. Today the driver's side door handle broke off. We already had to replace the rear one last winter. I called the repair shop. Everything is on file, so it was easy for them to order another. It gets repaired on Tuesday. Until then we need to open the driver side door from the passenger side. Oh fun.

I've taken some nice pictures of the fall leaves. One afternoon as hubby and I were walking in West Bend I asked him how to say "leaf" in Albanian. Apparently there is more than one name, but "fletë" was my favorite (fletë rhymes with bet, sort of, and a little bit with plate...it's the accent).

"Fletë," I said, "Look at all the fletës!"

Immediately we both laughed. "I can't put an "s" on it in Albanian, can I?" I asked.

"No," hubby answered, amused.

"So...how to I say leaves?"

"Fletët"

One of these days I need to ask how to say the whole sentence.

Sometimes I can get him to talk in German. He is fluent. German cracks me up. It's so commanding.

Fletët