Saturday, November 5, 2016

NaBloPoMo Day 5

It's day 5 of National Blog Posting Month, and it's Saturday. I don't know what to talk about. The mail just came, my hubby works tonight, it's sunny and 62 degrees and climbing.

Hubby and I talked about staying here, in this apartment another year. It's cheap but clean and secure, the heat is included, in fact, gas is included, so I can bake to my heart's delight. Also water and sewer and garbage are included. We only pay electric. The downside is it's tiny with very little storage. I have downsized and downsized and still have things packed in bins. The kitchen is tiny and barely functional. Well, the stove is normal but the frig is small, and counter space is so limited everything I do is "move this to do that". The upside is that we are seeing our savings grow and our bills from moving paid down faster.

Yesterday Hubby and I went shopping at Burlington Coat Factory. It was a half-hour drive, almost to Milwaukee, but when I told him I found a store up here he wanted to go. He found a couple items for himself (they have lots of other clothes besides coats). He kept asking me to find something for myself, so I picked a few things to try on.

Me...typing to Hubby on phone...."Omg i tried on a sexy dress i look like a kitty cat hahahaha"

Hubby answers "Hahaha im coming" as he walks to the doorway of the fitting room.

It was a junior sweater dress in leopard print and I was totally rocking it. He said buy it, I said, "No, I will be embarrassed to wear it". Later, on the drive home, he said, "That dress showed too much of your figure." I said, yeah, I wouldn't want to wear it anywhere."

Still, it was nice to know I have a figure at my age.

My age....yeah, that came up at my husband's visa interview, not the ROC interview we just had, the first interview, for his visa to immigrate. Yes, my daughters are slightly older than my husband. I am a Cougar. My husband has never brought up my age. I have. I guess it's just insecurity on my part. He always stops me. "Shhhhhh, I LOVE you." The "shhhhh" part was to make me stop doubting myself. He has stuck with me through surgery, hair loss, sickness, ups and downs of all kinds. He has no problem at all with my age. I still beat myself up occasionally, but totally enjoy the love of a man who thinks I'm beautiful and sexy.

It was June, and I was still wearing my neck brace. I still hurt, I was still weak. My hair was a mess. The weather was quite warm, and the brace was making my neck feel like 110 degrees. I took it off. Hubby turned to me and said, "You're so pretty!" I hugged him, tears welling up in my eyes.

All I ever wanted was to be beautiful in a world that said I was ugly.

"Rudolf the Red-nosed reindeer! hahahaha!" "Your ears stick out hahahaha!" (Heard this my whole childhood, kids at school)

"You could be a model if you were taller and you nose was narrow instead of round like a ball." (Heard this at age 17, male family member)

"So-and-so has such beautiful daughters!" (Heard this from male family member, more than once)

"Wow, have you gotten ugly!" (Heard this around age 30, same male family member)

"Why are you always mad, why don't you smile?" (Heard this from my first husband and other people because of my nasolabial folds on either side of my mouth from age 50 and up) See Wikipedia

After all the people who said I was ugly were dead I fixed my cheeks. 

With the nasolabial folds gone, and CHEEKS, beautiful cheeks, I was on top of the world.

Me in 2011

I still have cheeks, but they aren't as "puffy". Five years of time have caused some jowls and hollowness. I'm not happy about that. I'm loosing my confidence. I'm starting to hide from the camera again. Cheeks are a drug with me.

And another thing. I wish AARP magazine would stop publishing pictures and articles of rich women (actresses and performers) with the headlines about looking great in your 60's, 70's and beyond. You know darn well some of them got some fillers in their cheeks.

Ok, here it comes.....ALL the advice about vanity and stuff about loving myself the way I am, bla bla bla....whatever. The fact of the matter is, I'm shallow and vain, ok? Well, not too shallow, but vain, apparently yes.

I guess I found stuff to write about after all.

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